Save Our Atmosphere
Save Our Atmosphere (SOA)
Do you know that greenhouse gases are out of control? Do you know that bovines produce a huge amount of methane gas each year? Do you know that a bovine is a cow?
You may have read about my other cause, saving the polar bears, but we need to do more than just save polar bears. We need to save our atmosphere.
Methane is a greenhouse gas like carbon dioxide, but the negative effect on the climate from methane is 23 times higher than the effect of carbon dioxide. Cows produce methane! These filthy, disgusting bovines produce methane gas mostly by belching.
Look at these pictures of cows. What do you see? Cute and cuddly? Open your eyes people! These are photos of destructive, bloated, atmospheric assassins! It’s us or it’s them. These planet ending cows have even gone so far as to use their evil mind powers to convince some humans to not eat them. Not eat them!
Those smug vegetarians are not only annoying, but they are helping the cows bring about the end of the world. The Mayans knew this to be true. The Mayan calendar ends in 2012 because 2012 was the Mayan year of the cow!
Because these feeble vegetarians and vegans are not pulling their own weight, a hero needs to emerge. A hero that will take care of the cow plague. A hungry hero.
Survey Ninja is that hero. Survey Ninja has been battling cows, one hamburger at a time, for years. But now, in the Mayan year of the cow, there isn’t much time left. Survey Ninja can only eat so many cows on the funds he has available.
The more money you send, the more of these mad cows I can eat. Send your money – make checks payable to cash.
Michael Phelps eats like 7,000 calories a day when training for the Olympics. Survey Ninja doesn’t know much about Micheal Phelps or if he will be competing the 2012 Olympics. Survey Ninja is too busy trying to save the planet from the hoofed menace. But if Micheal Phelps can be a gold medal Olympian on 7,000 calories a day, imagine Survey Ninja on 14,000 calories a day. Or 24,000 calories a day. The more money you send, the greater number of cows I can consume. If you send enough, I could eat 34,000 cow calories a day and make Micheal Phelps look like a pathetic jellyfish.
Do you know what the worst kind of cow is? Kobe. Those Japanese Kobe cows get fed beer and receive massages. Beer!!!??? Massages!!!!!!????
Not only are these cows burping and farting the world to an end, they are stuck up too. Survey Ninja hates stuck up cows. Those spoiled Kobe cows need to be eaten up first. But I need plane fare people.
Do you really think that saving for your kids college education is financially responsible when you could be paying to send Survey Ninja to Japan to deal with the cow scourge? Try having your children study for finals with no atmosphere.
Help me, help you save the atmosphere. Help me, help you save the planet. Donate everything you have to fund my desire to eat cows to extinction.
Chickens – you’re next!
Survey Ninja – Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa